Bathroom Monologue: How exactly are you different from a dentist?

$2,572 for wisdom teeth. I wonder if I have to put the check under the surgeon’s pillow. I wonder if they add a random two-digit number to keep you from realizing that thousands of dollars for something I could have done with pliers and a steak knife is way overpriced. Instead you just look at that awkward sum and figure it must have calculated it with a complicated oral surgery algorithm. Screw it. I’m doing this at home. I cut my toenails by myself. This can’t be much more complicated. What do you mean it isn’t sterile? I’m not planning on having kids anyway.