Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Bathroom Monologue: Un-Life

In some cases “Pro-Life” and “Pro-Choice” simply do not cover all the ideological ground on the abortion issue. Take for instance “Un-Life,” an ideology diametrically opposed to the Pro-Life stand that demands all children be aborted as soon as possible. They have garnered a small degree of press on major news networks for staging protests at hospital nurseries.

“We’re in a global overpopulation crisis,” says Samuel Lenshner, spokesman of the Connecticut chapter of Couples For Un-Life. “There isn’t enough food to eat in Africa. India’s population is exploding. Taking the subway to work yesterday I had the little rats crawling all over me. One soiled himself. The mother was exhausted and unable to contain them all, and all I could do was look at her with pity and think – abortion could have prevented this.”

Lenshner and fellow Un-Lifers blast Pro-Choice for being too liberal.

“Just the option of abortion for women is not enough. That still gives them the option to keep their womb-infection.” said a woman who requested to go unnamed, perhaps because of a bulging belly. “Pregnancy is hazardous a woman’s health, ruins her figure, and results in a little tax exemption that doesn’t even begin to cover how much the little bastard will eat.”

Another anonymous woman added, “Does life begin at conception or birth? We don’t know, but we do know that nuisance begins at crying.”

Lenshner weighs in further, saying the existence of adoption disproves the need for choice. “I like to think of myself as Pro-Choice. Pick any kid out of this brochure. But why make a new one? That just adds to the problem. If one of these whining, running, constantly demanding beasts has to exist, use one we have in stock. But keep it out of public.”

Links to and addresses for various orphanages are available at www.un-life.net, a non-for-profit website devoted to “preventing you from making the worst mistake of your life.”

The Un-Lifers consider China’s one-child policy to be too liberal, but are open to select “breeders.” Under the policy espoused in a 44,000-word essay on their website, the Un-Lifers explain that people living ten miles or more from anyone else and who are willing to sign contracts promising not to bring their “young” into public before “the age at which they can tie their own shoes, walk in orderly fashion in supermarkets and will shut up in a movie theatre,” may be permitted one child.

The Un-Lifers are actively pursuing mandatory sterilization as a “kinder, more sanitary alternative” to enforced abortion. A vote on the policy will be brought before the Vermont state legislature in March.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Counter est. March 2, 2008