Friday, September 5, 2014

The Shame of Flash Thompson

From Pinterest.
Perhaps you know Venom. He’s the coolest Spider-Man villain. Just ask my fifteen-year-old self and he’ll tell you so. Venom has an evil costume that Spider-Man tried to throw away, and it gives him all Spidey’s powers, but also makes him stronger, sneakier, and gives him fangs and tentacles. A consummate 90’s villain.

Perhaps you know there have been multiple Venoms. The current one is Flash Thompson, a bully from Spider-Man’s high school who has since reformed, joined the military, and is using the alien super-costume to help defend his country. He became “Agent Venom.” He just joined the Guardians of the Galaxy. Yes, that one. 

Hasbro made a prestige action figure of him. Then they decided not to sell it, probably because of his niche appeal. You read the above paragraph, right? Nobody cared.

Except I cared. The costume was cool, okay? I don’t want to talk about it. I want to talk about Hasbro and Marvel recently agreeing to sell Agent Venom exclusively at one retailer.

What retailer would you pick to sell a superhero toy? Toys R Us? Target?

Try Walgreens. Not Wal-Mart. Walgreens, the chain pharmacy you can’t tell apart from CVS and Rite-Aid, is the exclusive home of Flash Thompson Venom

So I went to my local Walgreens, because that’s where I’m at in my life. I checked their toy aisle, which was more of a toy rack. There were some Ninja Turtles, Batmen and football supplies. No Marvel goodies at all.

Before I slinked away, I approached a staffer in a lavender scrub, who was re-stocking the energy bars. She immediately perked up and asked if she could help with anything.

“Do you have a Spider-Man toy called ‘Agent Venom?’” I asked.

She looked blank at me, like for a moment she’d forgotten how to be human. Then she smirked. “Black Spider-Man?”

“Yes,” I said. “Black Spider-Man.”

She led me to the freezer cases. Propped up beside the case was a cardboard box full of Flash Thompson Venoms. Dozens of their tentacles pointed at us from behind plastic wrap.

The clerk made a show of handing me one of them. I thanked her, and slinked to Check-Out.

It feels like a universal truth. Flash Thompson, a non-entity turned into a non-entity hero, then turned into non-entity merchandise you can only buy next to the freezers, far from the toy aisle of a non-entity pharmacy most people don’t even know sells toys. It’s likely that more people in my town will read the name “Agent Venom” on their way to grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s than will ever read it in a comic book.

Now he’s sitting on my desk. We have a lot to talk about.

15 comments:

  1. Sigh. But at least one of them has come to a home where he will be appreciated.
    And I would love to overhear your discussion with him.

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  2. hahahaha - non entity hey. This was awesome. Keep on talking to him - he'll get you through a lot :-)

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    Replies
    1. Glad you got a kick out of it! I'm hoping to have a long friendship with him.

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  3. America is weird. Toys sold in pharmacies? Razor blades & drugs slipped in the Trick or Treat candy bags...

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  4. I was totally unfamiliar with Agent Venom, but having read this I totally want to read his story now! Which aisle did you say he was on? :)

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  5. I was a big fan of 90's venom. He DOES have the coolest costume.

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    1. God willing, we will one day get a good movie adaptation of him.

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  6. I want to go to my local Walgreens now and see if they have them. I will definitely check by the freezer section.

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    1. Update. Went to Walgreens. They didn't have it. Sad.

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  7. Not being a super hero/villain fan, I haven't heard of Venom, but he looks like a villain to be taken seriously. :)

    Nice to be reading your post again John, I hope things are okay with you these days.

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  8. Wow, not only do today's superheroes die and get reborn (or rebooted) with some regularity, they switch sides? Can't tell the players without a scorecard.

    Interesting story, and I'm glad your hunt bore fruit. Next time, don't slink. Just go in and buy the toy. Tell yourself "it's for my nephew," but don't say it out loud. Just cop that attitude, and nobody will make a show of handing you the merchandise. :-P

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  9. Venom doesn't deserve that shaming. He isn't a lesser be it villain or hero. And Walgreens, why oh why? Cause of the pun, a pharmacy selling venom? Jeez..
    Anyhow, be beasties now, and true don't slink. Hope you are well. Lil Venom too!

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  10. I don't know, I kind of like Walgreen's. I own two pairs of cheap-but-nice flip flops from them (one pair from Orlando, one from Chicago). But for exclusively stocking Venom? All I can think is someone on their contract team is a comic book collector. Then again, even Comic Book Nerds buy toothpaste sometimes.

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  11. Well at least ONE of those figures has found his way to an appreciative home!

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  12. I have a few obscure star wars action figures. These are ones that no one but a dork like me would probably even care about. My favorite right now... Space Marine Storm Trooper.

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